Keep getting to know your wife

Howdy, men.

Remember back when you first met your wife?  You couldn't hardly have a conversation without discovering something new about her.  Have you felt like that getting-to-know your wife element is essentially gone?
We are all personal beings.  God created us to want to be known.  Do you doubt this?  Try to carry on a conversation with someone filled with words and you not be able to get your own out on the subject.

Here's a short survey of things that are important to us:

• Who we are--the intrinsic qualities that God instilled in us that cannot change
• Our experiences and our interpretation of them
• Our beliefs and how we've come to believe them
• Our discoveries and the journeys to get there
• ...

Our God is infinite and I believe that we will never get to, "Well, I guess I've seen all there is to know about God.  Now what?"  So, in that way, we can always learn and appreciate the character of God for all eternity.

While I don't think we're anywhere near that complex, God did a great job in designing us, making each of us radically different.  And, as you have probably experienced, we get enjoyment out of others appreciating our uniqueness--quirky or otherwise.

I think women, on average, have a greater desire to be known by their loved ones than we men do.  As long as I get my cuddles, I'm good.  But, apparently, women shall not live by cuddles alone.  One way to really make your wife feel appreciated is to explore who she is, what she's done, who she's become, etc.  I think to some extent that we all want to be loved for who we are--not what we can do.  Ever hear, "are you taking me for granted?"  Do you know what that means?  Let me translate:  "I clean your dishes, do your laundry, raise your kids.  Do you hang around me and tell me that you love me because I do these things for you or is it because I'm a treasured possession because of who I am?  Would you still love me as much if I stopped doing these things?"

The Solution

Do you know how you learn about someone?  We're not Jesus, so we can't just know their thoughts, intentions, desires, etc.  We ask questions and trust that they're not lying to us.  I know it can be difficult to come up with questions, but it's really not that hard if you think about it.

• Who in your family do you have the fondest memories of?  What were they like?
• Tell me about a time when you ___.  How did you feel about it?
• What do you think about ___.  Why do you think that?
• What's a significant discovery that you've made in your life?  Have you told anyone else about this?
• ...

I don't know if I've ever asked anyone those questions before, but now they're available for the next time my wife asks, "Do you still love me?"

Awhile ago we bought a book by Gary Chapman called 101 Conversation Starters for Couples (101 Conversations Starters).  It's just a big list of questions that you ask each other--one per day.  Someone reads the question and you both take turns answering it.  As you go through it, it builds intimacy and trains you to think of other questions to keep it going after you finish the book.

Action Items

1. Ask your wife a question about herself
2. Explore that question with more questions
3. Think of another question for tomorrow

Leave a comment on how you keep the spark alive.

Keep on loving that wonderful gift God gave to you!

Brandon

Lead your wife by displaying sacrificial love for her

But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
1 Corinthians 11:3 NLT

Men, we were created to lead our families.  Don't screw this one up--it can be really hard to do correctly in our culture.  One guy gets the idea that you have to beat everyone into submission and another lets the kids and wife walk all over him.  Both are wrong.  As the verse above states, it's God, then Christ, then man [that's us!], then woman.  It's not arrogant, sexist, or wrong--God spoke these words through one of His apostles.  It's not wrong.
So, now that that's out of the way, what does that mean?  Well, for starters, if you're not in God's Word every day, you're setting yourself up for failure.  How can you lead by example if you're not even in the game?

Here's the action plan:

1. Turn away from your sin and turn to Jesus to save you--this is total submission to Christ
2. Get into God's Word (the Bible) every day--I recommend getting up an hour early every day, starting in the Gospel According to John.  This is going to be great!  I wish I started this LONG ago.
3. As you're reading through the Bible, pay close attention to how Christ loves His church and do that toward your wife
4. Memorize Scripture as part of your daily hour alone with God.  So far in my experience, John has been the easiest book to memorize. I have used ScriptureTyper almost every day for over one year--and I still love it!  Please note that I don't make any money off of promoting it--it's just that good.
5. Be bold.  Assuming that you've completed step 1, you have the Holy Spirit living in you.  Don't be a jerk, and always do everything through love.

The wicked run away when no one is chasing them, but the godly are as bold as lions.
Proverbs 28:1 NLT

To recap, Christ is the head of us and we are the head of our wives.  This is a big responsibility.  Read the Bible.  Apply it in love.  When you mess it up, and you will, repent quickly!

Oh, and remember--Christ didn't force us to the cross and beat us until we accepted it.  We saw the truth and our sin and His love.  He suffered for us when He didn't have to.  We deserved separation from God forever.  He loved us and paid the price so we could be right before God--through faith.

Lead your wife by displaying your sacrificial love for her.  This is fun and exciting--especially when you give up time doing what you wanted to do to do something only for her instead.  Also, don't be a wuss.  Speak your mind in love.  How can she follow if she doesn't even know where you want to go?

Leave feedback below and connect with other men--we'd love to help another brother out!
What's working for you?

Be blessed and a blessing.
Brandon

Give your Wife a Quick & Easy Massage

Men, one great way of ministering to your wife is by giving her an unexpected massage at the end of a long day.  "Honey, get ready, because I'm going to give you a massage!"

Regardless of your wife's love language, this will probably be well-received.

Here's what you do:

1. Put some massage oil in a cup
2. Heat it in the microwave for 15-20 seconds
3. Test the oil temperature--you want it "almost hot"
4. Put two drops of lavender essential oil (optional)
5. "Honey, get ready!"

Just have her lay face down on the bed and slowly pour some of it on her back and act like you know what you're doing--it will work.

I generally mix three oils together, but one is all you need.

Here's what I use (just a little squeeze from each bottle):

• 1/3 Sweet Almond Oil
• 1/3 Apricot Kernel Oil
• 1/3 Jojoba Oil
• 2 drops of Lavender Essential Oil (optional)

Let me say that any one of these oils by themselves would make for a great massage, so don't feel like you have to break the bank.  You don't.  In fact, you can even use the oil you use to cook with.  The reason I don't do that is because those oils are thicker and leave a greasy feeling after the massage--which is still way better than no massage at all.  The oils above are used in massage because they absorb into the skin a lot easier.  Each of those oils does something special, but again, if money is the issue, just grab some of that olive oil she uses to cook with.

Don't put a lot of essential oil in there.  It's great stuff and a little will go a long way.

You can probably get most of this stuff at your local grocery store.

Guys, this is easy, cheap, and can really go a long way with your wife--especially if you spring it on her at the end of a long day.  You may even want to print out "One Free Massage" coupons.  (Some women really love coupons anyway, so hey, why not?)

Just in case you need a little help, here are the products on Amazon.com:

As always, tell us how it went for you or how you do it by using the comment below!

Be blessed and a blessing.

Brandon

Learn your wife's Love Language

Hello, guys! Today I'm going to share something important regarding how we give and receive love.  That may sound strange--especially coming from another dude, but it's important.  Have you ever felt like you're just not connecting with your wife?  Has she ever said that you're not connecting with her?

Well, someone blessed me a long time ago with this concept: The 5 Love Languages .  If you "speak" the other person's love language, they feel loved.  You can work your butt off trying to show your wife how much you love her by doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, etc.  However, unless she speaks the love language of "acts of service," she may not receive that as an act of love.  I can't imagine any woman not appreciating all that work--but that may or may not translate into filling her "love tank."
The love tank is a tank.  It contains perceived love.  The more full it is, the more loved she feels.  People act completely different when they feel loved!  And, if that tank is empty, boy you'd better watch out!  That's when you start hearing the dreaded question: "Do you love me anymore?"  You may think, "Woman, what in the WORLD makes you think I don't?!  All I did today was to show you how much I love you!"  That's when you know that you didn't speak her love language.
Needless to say, you want to know your wife's primary love language(s).  Here's a hint: listen to what she complains about!  Shocker!  Listen to what she says and funnel it into one of the following five love languages.

• Gifts - very cheap or free thoughtful gifts can often go the farthest
• Quality Time - And no, watching the game with her next to you doesn't count
• Words of Affirmation - "Your cookin' makes me excited to come home, honey!"
• Acts of Service - Doing dishes, taking out the trash, doing stuff that you know she'll appreciate when she notices it
• Physical Touch - No, sex doesn't count

The follow-through

Okay, men, here's some action items:

1. Learn your wife's primary love language.  What does she complain about the most?  Which category do you think that fits in?
2. Set a daily alarm to remind you to speak her language.  Be thoughtful about when to set it.  Sometimes calling up your wife in the middle of a busy day just to tell her that you're thinking about her will go a lot farther than casually saying it when you're home--though that will likely get received well, too.
3. Do the thing you think will make her feel loved--and vary it from time to time

I've met Gary Chapman in person at a men's retreat in Texas and he's a neat guy.  The five love languages works for humans--so whether they're your parents, wife, children, etc., the concepts will work.

I highly recommend reading one of his books on love languages.  His books are easy to read and apply.  Do you already have one?  Read it.  Don't have it?  Get one.  Here's one that speaks directly to us men.

Be blessed and a blessing!
Brandon